A Song For Me

Only Love Can Break Your Heart by Neil Young
Last Night I Dreamed That Somebody Loved Me by The Smiths
Call me by Aretha Franklin
I Don't Want to Talk About It
Love Hurts
When Love Breaks Down
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart
The Speed of the Sound of Loneliness
She's Gone
I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

"...what came first, the music or the misery? Did I listen to music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to music?
-Rob on his top list of break-up songs, High Fidelity

"Leaves you believing not only in the redemptive power of music but above all the redemptive power of love. Funny and wise, sweet and true."
-Independent on Nick Hornby's High Fidelity.

This is Hornby's first novel, and so far I've read all his books except Fever Pitch (soon). It's the story of Rob recalling his top 5 most memorable split ups, except Laura, his latest ex- who isn't on that list. More about the plot on the book cover: "He does many things-listen to whatever music he likes, look up the girls that are on his list, and generally behave as if Laura never mattered, because he's got his life back, you see. But he can't move on, and he's stuck in a really deep groove. Soon he's asking himself some big questions-about love, about life- and about why we choose to share ours with the people we do."

I recall this book because just like Rob, L is a music guy, and he also has a break-up song for me. And it bothered me so much, the no-talking thing that I finally mustered enough strength to call him, after denying myself the truth that I needed to do it. No ifs, and buts. I just did it. For I could no longer go on fooling myself that it has ended that way. Tonight it didn't matter what the ending is, but I needed to tell him how I felt. That:
(a) I needed to tell him that what he did was hurtful, and try as I must doing so many things in trying to move on, I am sad and I wanted him to know how hurt I really am
(b) I needed for him to talk to me in person and look me in the eye,for me to finally move on. No, those were not dates. I needed to talk to someone because,as the song goes, i just didn't know what to do with myself.
(c) I had to tell him how I still loved him, and there will be no one else, not at this time, and I think, not for a long time.