Tuesday, July 31, 2007

When I Was 21

While I was reading Saturday's paper today, Philstar had this whole 21 year anniversary going on and Tanya Lara, Celine Lopez and Igan d' Bayan were recounting their memories when they were 21. It was too tempting, and instantly, a powerful rush of memories came over me.

Dedicated to Ping, Sony, Robert, Maan,Cielo, Charmz, Wilkoc, Daya and Ime










I celebrated my 21st birthday in Nagano, Japan. I was there, along with 60 other engineer trainees, supposedly the 1995 best of the best schools- Ateneo, La Salle, UP,UST, Mapua and Don Bosco.(On hindsight, it was my long shiny hair, navy blue suit with a matched miniskirt and a winning smile that clinched it- after all the panelists for my final interview were Japanese men).










When I was 21, I had my many firsts:
-my first short hair (cut it siete after I seduced the Japanese into hiring me)
-my first seven course meal
-my first digicam, a first look at electronics (and now I'm a junkie)
-my first (and only) view of a Picasso
-my first snow




-my first Disneyland trip
-my first rocking rollercoaster ride (beside the sea and with Mt.Fuji in view)
-my first apple and grape-picking moment
-my first Ikebana creation








-my first cherry blossom
-my first (real) karaoke
-my first daily love letters
-my first date with a japanese (he even sent me christmas cards, sony)
-my first Kirin, sake, wine and formal foray into social drinking
-my first time to wear a kimono









-my first kiss (yes, am a late bloomer)
-my first (and only) neon Benetton jumpers (yaiks)
-my first mountain hike (amazing in autumn)
-my first flashlight moment (ahem cielo and ime you know this)
-my first broken heart (not really, 'twas more of a chipped pride)

Gosh, when I was 21, I weighed only 98 lbs and I thought I ought to lose 10 then. When I was 21, I wore no makeup and cared little about appearance, and I hid from the boys who liked me but I didn't like. When I was 21 Daya said my dreams then were the following: to have a good career, send my brothers to finish schooling and help my family. I asked Daya last June, was marriage not part of my dreams then? She laughed and said,"... nung kwentuhan ng mga pangarap at lasingan, wala sa isip mo yun." I said ,"No wonder!"

When I was 21, Bosconian O, classmate R and others (all married now) were at my door with flowers and chocolates in hand, and I'd say, "Now is not a good time." When I was 21, I didn't know what life was about, and I'd find myself constantly surprised at where it led me to- like I'm supposed to be going somewhere but someone else was driving for me, and I liked all the destinations but didnt know why I ended up there. When I was 21, I found my best set of friends, and we've kept in touch up to today. When we were 21, we had no money and scrimped, saved, commuted, served our families, and yet each one of us had BIG dreams.

When we were 21 we never said we were bored or lonely or in pain. Now that we're older, and supposedly much wiser, we regale each other with senseless thoughts, lift each other up when the reality of life drains our energies; we celebrate highs (births, promotions, new love, new home,new car, a happy day) and find time to toast our friendship, life and destiny.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Crazy

M emailed me the mp3 file of the Leon Russell version. Grace sang to me the Carpenter version. She cried with me, while she saw me weep. Three days later,past badminton, dinner, massage, book, when everything is silent and everyone's in deep slumber, I'm wide awake. I play the song in a loop. While the billowing wind softly tugs at the curtain, and I hear nothing but stillness, I cry. I let the tears fall. A friend told me to stop na, don't crash again. But in the stillness of the night, who is there to stop my weeping over crushed dreams and broken vows?

p.s.
This is it. The last ode to what was once called love.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

A Potter-y Weekend

The sleeping pills did not work on Thursday, but on Friday I slept like a log after page 2 of Harry Potter. On Saturday I attended a pottery class.

Friends of the Museum:
T:"Hey, so what else are we going to do next? I'm taking up pilates now. It's expensive, but I like it."
N:"Ako, guess what? I'm taking voice lessons at the Ryan Cayabyab school in Galeria. It's 500 for 30 minutes and my instructor's very strict huh. Today nga I learned he died of a heart attack, imagine that! O, Armi naman di ba you're doing yoga, so how was it?"
A: "I like it but it costs P500 per session so I'm taking badminton classes now..."
T: " Ano pa kaya what we can do, I'm thinking of taking pottery classes at Petty Johnson.. Wait, there's this Jazz dance class at Rockwell. I think that should be fun. "
N: " I heard about this strip tease class naman.."
A: " Oh, is that the one with the pole? I heard about it from someone else eh.."
N:" Hindi ata..hahaha..i can't imagine myself with a pole. You know, T has tried almost everything, she also took up make-up classes, that's 11k for 8 saturdays"
T: " Yeah, I really wanna do something with my saturdays. This is my me time. What about massage kaya?"
A." I'm not sure i want to learn that because it's hard- i get it all the time and I know it's hard work for the therapist.."
T: " Yeah nga, pero di ba it would be nice if you learn how to do it yourself so your hubby won't look for it elsewhere..."
A and N: " Ahhh....oo nga.."

We were at the Toushin Maruyama pottery class, and it just struck me funny that while we were molding, pounding on the clay and having our Ghost pottery moment, I was actually having this conversation. I'm actually very jologs, but I must admit I like conversations about ideas. What fun 'ey?

It was an interesting class, and Maruyama-san has a lot of showmanship and talent. I was touched with his intro speech.

On Being Alive

"I was in Dumaguete, and walking along the beach. Walking with the wind blowing in the air, blue skies, very calm and beautiful beach. At that moment, that single moment, I felt alive! It felt good! And eventhough I had no swimsuit, I took off everything (except my briefs) and I swam for an hour..Art has nothing to do with that moment, but nature has touched me, and in one way or the other it will be reflected in my work.."

On His Creations


"It's not a boat! Everyone says it is, but it's called Dawn in Winter (my favorite piece in the museum's japanese pottery exhibit) ..I tried to capture the texture of the snow. I did not make this, it's borne out of the kiln. Sometimes it takes me 30 hours using a compressor or using various temperatures with my stick to create different colors and textures. 30 hours non-stop, pounding at the clay, and I swore i won't do it again, but 2 days later im there again. I use charcoal to create the grayish color, heavy fire creates pink color. I like shapes and color.To make a shape, you have to cut the clay,dig it out to make it hollow, otherwise it will explode, then you have to attach each layer. It's strange. I can't recreate each work. I have some typical japanese work (plate with a very zen-like feel to it), I don't like it but i must survive.. so please buy. So i can go back to japan..." he jokes.

On Sakura

"I feel sad everytime I see cherry blossom, because I know this thing of beauty will be gone soon."

I knew exactly what he meant.
Domo arigatoo gozaimahita,Maruyama-san.

Postscript:
When I was at the pottery-forming machine Maruyama-san said for first timers like me, I have to touch the clay, feel it, then be not afraid to push it, to create a form. He grabbed both my hands, making me feel the clay, pressing, pushing, gently forming, and it was a good experience, to touch, to feel a different texture. He told me NOT to think, but to just FEEL, go with the flow..

On the freestyle, I found out after not really knowing what I'm supposed to be creating that I was a bit obsessed about curves, folds, shape and texture- whether it was in the ashtray or vase I made. I dunno, we'll see next week if this turns out to be something worth keeping. It was fun interacting with my classmates, we were all having a blast, seeing what each one would make.

The King of Queens


The King of Queens is a comedy about a married couple, ordinary Americans- Leah Remini playing Carrie who works as a secretary at a law firm and Kevin James as Doug , a UPS truck delivery postman, with alpha friends -Richie, an italian-american ladies man who works as a fireman, Spence, a thirty-something single guy selling tokens on the subway and living with his mother, and Deacon, another postman who's under the saya of his wife.

It's the interaction between Doug and Carrie, she the controlling partner, managing the household and the big boy in shorts (her hubby) who's content with his big tv, satellite dish, poker nights and billiards with the boys; then there's the 75-year old father Arthur (Jerry Stiller) who lives in their basement completing the comedy with his outrageous voice and over the top punchlines. It is so funny because it's a marriage that's so real and they live an ordinary life, not your usual hollywood happy, glorious endings. I enjoy the 4 friends- all flawed for being regular but they remind me of the way our lives are supposed to be: simple, fun- filled with laughter, a life filled with moments of friendships and family taking center stage, where work and other issues are dealt with in the background, and life goes on, even in its highs and lows.
The moral?
I gotta say I love Kevin James, Leah Remini and Jerry Stiller. I love American loud comedy.
Women will end up taking care of their men.
Boys need their space.
Laughter is the best medicine.
Know what matters most in this life.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I Made Harry Wait


I give myself a break after a very intense planning session facilitating the discussion flow, generating ideas, understanding people's challenges. It's only the mind working, but my entire body is alert, fully in the present, and that usually ends in stress, so I treat myself to the latest Harry Potter book (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows). I have all 7 now, and I'm not ashamed to say I sometimes reread them. I am giddy with excitement but I want to rest, I want to sleep. Yesterday's badminton game was exhausting as my trainer forces me to keep hitting hard and to run across the court, but I still lay awake at 2 am.

So today I popped two organic sleeping pills (from my roomie-who, by the way, won a brand new Nissan Sentra 1.3 mt silver car from a Robinson's Summer promo), and lay in bed hoping it kicks in soon. I'm tired. Harry,I will pull an all-nighter for you, with pizza and soda at the bedside, freshly-changed sheets and soft lighting. In the meantime, you just have to wait. Zzzzzzzzzz...



N.B.
Ime, here is my latest pic- nice ba my new VW eyeglasses?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Don't Settle, Don't Rush

(Who Needs A Shrink When You Have Friends)

D: Aarg. How was your day? Hopefully better than mine.
A: Girl, while you're sipping your lemonade, lounging on a hammock,thinking of a happy ending for me, I am trying NOT to think too much.Galing timing text mo, was thinkng of you...
I think alam mo kakausap ko sa yo nakatulong to deal with the realities of the break-up. There's a 50% chance that he'd dump me again, and how many people can take that? If I crash again, please allow me to cry to you again ha. (How so Sex in the City, when Carrie ended up seeing Mr.Big again! Hey, Miranda's a lawyer-soon-to-be-partner too, and yes, i'm Carrie Bradshaw, sort of a writer, money going to shoes, and broken engagement,yep,that's me )
D:Ha ha. Sure thing girl. Am the queen of heartbreak. I take all heartbreak seriously. He may or may not return, yes, so just deal as if he's not coming back.Even then just trust that one day you wil find yourself somewhere nice, when all is right.
A: That's a nice thing to say; nice and practical.
D:You know why? Because its true. That this too shall pass. Everything passes. All is "for now".Pain, happiness, health, sickness, love, sex, they're all for now. Except for taxes, which are forever. =)
A: You know what I realized just now? I'd like to help alleviate poverty, that seems like my heart's mission. Everytime I see a young person peddling Max candies (I'm in retail,so I know there's no money with a bilao of candies), or men carrying bed matresses, appliances on their shoulders much like a carabao toils on a farm. I wince then I offer a prayer for that person that the Lord blesses them,because they try. I wish I could do something, but all I can do is to do better at my job each day so we can open more stores, provide more jobs.
D: I think tama yang thinking na yan. Dont worry there are still noble souls around like you who can probably change the world..
A: No..it's not like that. I don't have the energy.. I think my life is going to be a life of mediocrity...
D:Am waiting for my takeout food.Meanwhile, a thought has entered my mind- why is it that I still have not come to a decision to marry? I know for sure that if I lose W.L. I would be devastated. Why dont I want people who want me but only seem to want them when they leave?
A: Firstly, I really don't understand why you haven't decided on him yet. As in. (Maybe you don't want to settle?). Second point, you can't love him and want someone else whom you're not even sure you like. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
D: As for L, that was the risk you took in calling him.Like it or not,mapapaasa ka esp since he said what he said.As for what he has done,at this point in your life all you have to decide is whether you can forgive him. As for me, its not about another guy. Its about me.Always afraid to change things.
A: You don't seem like that. You seem to know what you want. Di bale, no rush. Give yourself some time. Don't settle, don't rush. Actually for me, dami lessons learned. Dealing with failure, humility, realizing the value of friends and family, being closer to God, holding onto hope instead of misery, knowing how to empathize, understanding others, knowing what true love entails...
D: Yeah. That's right. Don't settle, don't rush. Tama. Ü

As I imagine her desk filled with legal documents she has to process til midnight while taking her dinner at 9pm, I think she's wrong about her life of mediocrity (she said that too)-she's going to actually earn loads of money and make her mark in this part of the world.

As for me, I consider this the biggest trial, the biggest failure of my life, and yet somehow I find comfort that yes, this too, shall pass. I have been resisting, living in fear about an unknown future. Though a single life, if it's a life of conscious and wonderful choices, can't be too bad, I am more concerned about each day, today. I will survive. I have to survive each day. I began to learn to quelch some of my fears, starting to understand what God is trying to say:

"Sometimes, what I know is best is different than what you think of as 'best'. My best means more brokenness, more compassion, more understanding of others, more humility. All of these qualities are part of My best in your life. Unless you let Me work in your life, fulfilling the conditions of loving Me and yielding to My will, My purpose in your life- I will begin to work on your behalf. No matter what mess you find yourself in, when you love Me and yield to My purpose in your life, I am able to turn all things for your good."

Yes, don't settle, dont rush.

Choices

It was not an accident. I managed to dash out the door by 8 pm, to a place where everything felt just right.



She was wearing an engagement ring, and she had a beautiful face, the kind of face guys in college would easily say as their crush, but it was not her countenance I noticed but her light. She certainly looked happy, and more than anything, was at peace with her God. So I was surprised when she cried after I related my story. I thought I'd be the one to at least get teary-eyed, but I guess it all got washed away in yesterday's meltdown. I gave my sharing on Does God Care? Have I ever felt God's love? Do I feel this, at a time like this?

"How can one not feel God, in the beauty of His creations- a flower in full bloom, the loving company of friends, the all-out support of my family? How can I not feel God, when I've been blessed by so many things, experiences, people who touched my life and opportunities that not everyone gets? How can I not feel the Lord's presence at times like these when I have nothing to hold onto but Him?"

I answered truthfully, and hesitated to continue..."Yet there are days when I push Him away because how could He know what's in my heart and take it away from me? How could He give so much pain?Is He a punishing God-cold and distant?"

But yesterday (after attending the first Pathways session), I fell asleep with His answer:

"If you've been hurt,come into My arms now. These arms will never harm you. These arms will never hurt you. These arms are here to protect you. These arms are strong to guard, yet gentle to soothe and heal. These arms will keep on loving you no matter what. I'm sorry you've been treated badly, and I want to heal your hurts. I want to give you the loving care you desire and deserve.
My love is always there for you. As you come to Me and let Me be your true Love, I will take care of you. You will never be disappointed in Me. I will provide the comfort you need as you draw closer through prayer, reading My Word, and listening to My whispers of love and reassurance in your heart. Come and find peace and your heart's desires in Me. I love you, My sweet one, and never want to see you hurt. Earthly loves may fail you but My love never fails. Come into My arms now. There you will find the love and understanding you have longed for."

-From Jesus with love FOR TROUBLED TIMES

I cried to sleep feeling His embrace. How could I not feel God's love?

*******
She cried because as she was happy, her sister was in the same situation as me, and her sister would not talk to her because it was too painful to see someone else happily engaged while she tries to make sense of their break up. She, this engaged woman, felt her sister's pain, and at the same time the rejection because her ate would look away and remain distant while she's planning her December wedding. How she wished they can both be happy, and tells me she knows how hurt I must be.

I nodded and then looked at the girl beside me and I told her I ache for her. At 25, she is married, but her husband has someone else, blatantly telling her not to hurt this girlfriend whom he loves, but then he goes home to her, the wife, because she is "important" to him. I don't know how hard that must be. Not knowing where you stand--2 women in a man's life. Especially when sometimes I just worry about lines that would sooner or later be visible on my face. I wonder about being single why she wonders now why she is in the situation she's in, and what would come out of it.

I didn't ask if she still had sex with her husband (I assume yes), nor wondered when mine would resume (Joke! I did think about this, at another time and place). I just actually want to be more accepting of His grace- and that means standing still, less resistance. I want to be comforted and embraced.

I did. I saw Trishia again, after 2 years, and we hugged tightly. We will have coffee soon.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Cooking Time!

I get an invite to a cooking class on Saturday, August 4: Ultimate Korean Food Experience, A cooking class at the Heny Sison Culinary School

I say if you can't beat the Koreans who are flocking in our country, join them!

Post script: The best Korean restaurant in town, for me, is Ye Dang located in Ortigas near Metrowalk. Make sure to order the grilled pork strips which can be eaten with rice, as a bacon, or folded in sesame seed leaf or lolo rosa lettuce (make sure to dip it in their special sauce with garlic), the barbecued beef ribs are marinated in a special sauce and they are yummy, the beef brisket soup (strange but a mouthful of flavors), and my favorite the Korean pansit chapsay (?). The kimchi comes in many formats as side dishes and is unlimited- spinach, spicy veggie kimchi (standard), peanuts, small potatoes in a sauce, peanut kimchi, carrots and fish cake kimchi. The guys loved the kimchi soup with seafood and sake (potato wine, actually) but I found it too spicy. The funny thing about this experience is that we had an American-Korean guest order everything for us. He liked it, "It's not so bad, quite good actually." We all loved it.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

A Song For Me

Only Love Can Break Your Heart by Neil Young
Last Night I Dreamed That Somebody Loved Me by The Smiths
Call me by Aretha Franklin
I Don't Want to Talk About It
Love Hurts
When Love Breaks Down
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart
The Speed of the Sound of Loneliness
She's Gone
I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

"...what came first, the music or the misery? Did I listen to music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to music?
-Rob on his top list of break-up songs, High Fidelity

"Leaves you believing not only in the redemptive power of music but above all the redemptive power of love. Funny and wise, sweet and true."
-Independent on Nick Hornby's High Fidelity.

This is Hornby's first novel, and so far I've read all his books except Fever Pitch (soon). It's the story of Rob recalling his top 5 most memorable split ups, except Laura, his latest ex- who isn't on that list. More about the plot on the book cover: "He does many things-listen to whatever music he likes, look up the girls that are on his list, and generally behave as if Laura never mattered, because he's got his life back, you see. But he can't move on, and he's stuck in a really deep groove. Soon he's asking himself some big questions-about love, about life- and about why we choose to share ours with the people we do."

I recall this book because just like Rob, L is a music guy, and he also has a break-up song for me. And it bothered me so much, the no-talking thing that I finally mustered enough strength to call him, after denying myself the truth that I needed to do it. No ifs, and buts. I just did it. For I could no longer go on fooling myself that it has ended that way. Tonight it didn't matter what the ending is, but I needed to tell him how I felt. That:
(a) I needed to tell him that what he did was hurtful, and try as I must doing so many things in trying to move on, I am sad and I wanted him to know how hurt I really am
(b) I needed for him to talk to me in person and look me in the eye,for me to finally move on. No, those were not dates. I needed to talk to someone because,as the song goes, i just didn't know what to do with myself.
(c) I had to tell him how I still loved him, and there will be no one else, not at this time, and I think, not for a long time.

Ooops.. I Did it Again

Feeling positively energized after an hour of badminton, I go back to where I'm not supposed to and saw his friends, our friends.








And then, tempted and curious, I asked a friend to see how he is. We looked him up in Friendster. He had an April 4 blogpost, and before I knew it, tears were pouring down my face and I couldn't stop. He has a song for me.

He writes that he couldn't sleep sometimes,and a certain song, this version of Simply Red and Carpenters over the original rendition of Leon Russell's A Song for You, makes him cry (Note: He is the macho type; never the type who cries; I saw it happen just one time, and not over a song):

He writes "...It reflects the unfortunate event that has befallen me of late. And though it is what others AND myself might call a cliche, it is my pained plea of forgiveness for what has transpired and i think i know what Leo russell was thinking about at that time.

I only wish the circumstances were different.

You know who you are.


I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs I've made some bad rhyme
I've acted out my love in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be
I've treated you unkindly but darlin' can't you see
There's no one more important to me
Darlin' can't you please see through me
Cause we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space and time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space and time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

I read the lyrics and it haunts me. There were I love yous, and a love in a place where there is no space and time? Is there hope? God knows I hope. But I later learn that this Leon Russell song is a slow,pained song to an estranged lover.

I realize it is not the wasted 8 years i really cry about, nor my youth, for I was nothing 8 years ago. We grew together, shared both joy and suffering, wandered in life in search of ourselves. I cry because I remember the love, this love that's still killing me. I do not understand, but I know enough that he chose not to be with me. And that is more than enough reason to remind myself each day, as I heal, to love myself more, and to put all my hope in the Lord.

Pray for me as I start my Pathways to the Lord sessions on Monday at La Salle Greenhills, because I think my God is a punishing God, and right now I'm not talking to Him.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

It's Friday..and Saturday

It's Friday, and kinda still my birthday. I forget this as Hyperbeat (led by superhyper Nancy) greets me to the tune of Pretty Woman, and asks me to sing onstage. Gasp. I wasn't drunk enough. So they give up, or so I thought. A guy on the band (you know, long hair, old, sweaty, gave up on his fitness regimen) sang to me on stage. How embarassing, because I couldn't look him in the eye, or the face (I'm not being judgemental, he's just so..panget), although he sang beautifully.

So my mind drifted off, because I couldn't see the crowd anway who was cheering..jeering.. for a kiss. And then i was thinking ,"He used to sing that song to me..In fact, he used to sing to woo me, and last year, just at the end of the year, he said he wanted to sing at least 5 songs to me on our wedding day ".

And then there it was, that moment... just like an old memory fading; there was no pain, it was just a fleeting thought-and yes,I wasn't drunk enough not to feel, but there's nothing to feel. The thought passed, and am back to the realiity that I'm happy today. And JV Ejercito is watching me on stage.

Happy Birthday to me.
3 invites, no, actually 4 invites from 4 men, and I still hem and haw. I want to watch a movie with a boy, you know, old school, date. Ok, actually, I just wanna watch Harry Potter, and not with my brother.
Abangan! In the meantime,

I. Can. See. Clearly. Now.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Transformers

They've been gone only for 3days and I miss them already! I remember our car conversations after watching Transformers (we loved the movie, and Miguel would always look at cars and buses in a different way from then on).

Tita Armi: “ Miguel, can the motorcycle also be a transformer?”
Miguel: “Yes!”

These darned tricycles drive like maniacs and I let them cut in lest I get scratched..

Tita Armi: “Hmnn..how about the tricycle?”
Miguel: “ ahhh..Yes!”

Now I can show Miguel how it will look like.







Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A Phenomenal Marketing Stunt: 7-Eleven Turns into Kwik-E-Marts





It's all over the news- our industry news, anyway. After a year of negotiation and collaboration with Fox, and a month-long secrecy after many many rumours, 7-Eleven unveiled some of its selected stores which have been converted into Kwik-E-Marts, the convenience store of choice in the Simpson's cartoon series.

7-Eleven in the North America will sell items that until now existed only on television: Buzz Cola, KrustyO’s cereal and Squishees, the slushy drink knockoff of Slurpees. The Fox/7-Eleven deal is an example of a practice called reverse product placement. Instead of just putting products prominently in a movie or TV show, fake goods move from the screen to reality.

Another trivia: Kwik-E-Mart was actually borne out of Simpson's creator Matt Groening's experience with the store where most often, the store franchisee/operator is an Indian/Asian immigrant. But the 7-Eleven franchisees support the promotion and they say," People know it's a joke. And they get it."

Brand suicide? The universal corporate mentality is that permitting anything short of deification of the brand -- much less self-ridicule -- is tantamount to suicide. Look at their POPs:

Outside the store: "Thank you for loitering. Please come again."



In front of the parking spaces: "5 Minute Parking. Violators Will Be Executed."



On the ATM itself: "First Bank of Springfield. Misplacing Decimal Points Since 194.5"



On the sandwich openshowcase: "Every item guaranteed fresh or your money grudgingly refunded"






The thing about thinking out of the box is that it works!




This is a marketer's dream- to create a buzz and to leave a legacy. But it doesn't take just one person. It's all about big ideas, collaboration and excellent execution.

"But my heart and body are crying out, come back,come back, come back...8ut i know this is impossible. I know that the thing I want is exactly the thing I can never get..."
C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Ended the chapter,closed the book, burnt the pages and threw it out the window.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Japanese Pottery in July and the Camera Club by August



17 July - 5 August 2007
Ground Floor Gallery, Ayala Museum

Everyone knows I love Japan " Dai suki nihon desu!", and yesterday I did not miss the opening of the Japanese pottery exhibit at the Ayala museum. This collection of more than 70 pieces used to be displayed separately in Dumaguete and Baguio and is now on loan to the Ayala Museum until August 5.

Japan has traditionally produced a large amount of ceramic works. This exhibition introduces outstanding works by young artists who are continuing the kiln tradition in areas renowned for their distinctive styles such as Arita and Karatsu, Hagi, Bizen, Kyoto, Kutani, Seto and Mino and Mashiko.


When I stayed in Japan I wanted to invest in their pottery and lamps. I bought 2 vases, the other one is so pretty I used it as an art piece in my living room. The pieces displayed at the museum are much much more creative, one of a kind, artistic.."subarashii".

Not surprisingly, the Japan Foundation will also be holding several activities in relation to this:

1. Multi-awarded Japanese potter, Toushin Murayama will conduct pottery workshops at the Ayala Museum on July 28 (for adults) and August 4 (for kids). Toushin Maruyama has gained wide recognition in Japan since 1979 when he was presented a prize by the mayor of Hagi at the The Modern Crafts Exhibition of the Chugoku Area; the following year, he won the special prize. Succeeding years brought him various awards in both local and international crafts competitions and exhibitions. In 2004, he was named “Person of Cultural Merits in Yamaguchi Prefecture, Hagi City”.



For more information on the exhibit visit www.ayalamuseum.com

2. Pappa Tarahumara's THREE SISTERS: A Contemporary Dance Performance

July 20-21; 7 PM at the Carlos P Romulo Stadium
RCBC Plaza, 6819 Ayala Avenue corner Sen Gil Puyat Avenue, Makati
FREE ADMISSION
Call: 811-6155-58 for reservations

In August, the Camera Club of the Philippines, in celebration of their 80th year will be opening an exhibit called ELEMENTS: Photoconstructed Realities. Watch out for it!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Thank You!

Do you introduce friends and your friends' friends so that in time, they'd end up being friends as well?

Over the years I have built solid friendships and there would be times when I don't have the time to meet them separately so on one or two occasions I'd let them meet each other, until now they have conversations even I am not a part of. A barkada from high school, college classmates, org mate, friends from my first job; we are in different professions-a lawyer, IT consultants, events guy, real estate guy, a college professor/financial consultant, but our conversations would swerve from the times we slept in cheap folding beds in the "happy house" where 10 people lived together, years before Pinoy Big Brother came to be; to our struggles in our current lives- are there more women than men now? (apparently male sperms die faster than female sperms, raising more chances of having a female child), in raising children (we say EQ vs IQ- no to memorization and an excess of math drills but yes to becoming socially adaptable), in accepting a life of being single, divorce or no divorce, how kids should be taught financial investment.


I found it relaxing to look at them interacting without much intervention; they are after all, my friends, and no one is over the top or hoarding the conversation. Some guys would have their moments, but it's all in good,clean fun; an exchange of ideas and differing opinions which make conversations all the more interesting. It was an impromptu, small and exclusive gathering of my closest friends who entertained me tonight, and have blessed me countless times over the years. The key? Show genuine interest to the other people, listen, interact, good food, plenty of drinks, dessert, and a calm, relaxing restaurant. (I just got my M cafe discount card today).

To Ms.D, Mr. Pechay, thou-who-shall-not-be-named, Mr and Mrs fairy tale, room mate and Cie (wala pa ko code for you), thank you all for being my friends, you are truly, among God's countless blessings. We missed Maan, Ime and Roblao tonight. There will be another time.

To my team from marketing, thank you for your gifts

and the preparation

for today, you don't know how much i appreciate your efforts. I know you wish for my happiness ..and love life. Maybe. God is telling me, maybe. In His time.

Happy 33!

A barrage of birthday greetings today. I smile and thank God for the countless blessings:

To the person who rocked a lot of people's world in a lot of ways, my quake girl a Blessed Happy Birthday! Love you!

Happy birdie, armi! How do you plan to spend it? ( Like there's no tomorrow?)

Everyday is a new day for a special person who is now celebrating his 16th birthday! again, happy happy 16th birthday! Wishing you all the best! - Jun Ang (weird nito, Christine, ako ba ang tinetext nya ? haha)

Happy birthday girl! Wishing you a surprisingly happy and liberating day!-D

Happy birthday, arms (close friends call me this). Today I offerred my mass for your intentions. May you be closer to the Lord this year. We love you here.

Wakey! Wakey! Gandang morning! Happy birthday! Don't forget the black gulaman- from Eden

Happy happy birthday. U almost have everything na kaya ang wish ko sa yo is may you find na the right person for you. Someone who will shower you with undending affection and compassion. You cannot find love 'cause love will be the one to find you. You deserve to be happy, that's why you deserve someone better!- bading friend

Hi Miss! It's your birthday anong gimik? Wish ko maging successful ka pa at sana wedding bells na. Regards kay Louie your love!- tomboy friend


Ayos!

Friday, July 13, 2007

Gawad Kalinga and our local communities



Gawad Kalinga is a non-profit organization whose mission is to make every Filipino have a house of their own, and this is done via corporate and private solicitations: a house of their own, an independent family, an independent nation. Yesterday, representatives from our company did our community service by rendering labor as part of the 7-Eleven day celebration (the other year I was planting trees at La Mesa Dam). While in the US they do this by giving out 8 -ounce Slurpees for the day, we, in the third world (read: not a rich company), chose to give back to our community, not by funding houses (Poveda, Fuji, Globe, Smart, P & G, Unilever, Filipinos in Singapore, Filipino- Americans have sponsored houses) but by doing carpentry, painting, landscaping and other construction works.




This is how it works- there is a program that involves a speech from the local government (mayor or vice mayor), a speech from the sponsoring organization, from Gawad Kalinga and then a member of the community tells everyone how the work will be done (as it is done in groups). The most important message I heard during the ceremony is that in today's work, it is not really the real work that matters, but by sharing the stories of our lives, getting to know them as they get to know us, perhaps in the process, we will get inspiration from one another. We are told to work with a smile. As it is, everyone in the community is ready with their smile and greetings, being thankful for the work we are doing on their soon to be houses. Everyone in the Gawad Kalinga chosen community has to do their share. Daily, 10 volunteer women and 10 volunteer men are assigned to work on the construction of the houses, up to its finishing. At this point they still do not know which one will occupy the house they are working on, but they will all have to pitch in, bayanihan style, and everyone will get their house. While the kids are watched over in a local daycare, and some are off to work, others in the community, through the relentless efforts of its sponsors, continue to try to improve their living by looking for other means of livelihood that the members of the community can do.




I was assigned to painting, and we did 3 houses, starting with a base coat of white primer and finishing off with 7-eleven colors (well, the pantone wasn't right). It was exhausting to say the least, and as I share stories with the women who are helping us, I did not feel so different, so far off from them. I lived in Sampaloc, and although we did not live in shanties, my story is a story of hope; that if one works hard at something, one will reap the rewards, and maybe someday make their dreams come true. My kumares in Sampaloc tell me their children want to be like me, want to do good in school so they too, can travel and have a car and leave Sampaloc. I smile in return. In my mind, though, I ask, " What happened to our men?" The women in Sampaloc work, while their husbands are house-bands, watching over the house, but not really guiding the kids. They huddle together watching cable TV tuned to karera, and wallow in drugs, desolation and despair. Last year, 3 men from our street died- one from a heartbreak who drank himself to death, a young boy who pimped himself to a bading where he caught some disease, and another one from a drug overdose.

I asked my mother this, and she tells me yes, a reformation is needed to make the men stronger, but it is the drugs that hit the community like a plague; dividing, creating a chasm between the strong and the weak. In the end, only the strong survive.

Christine and I manage to pose after a long day's work. Eventhough we planned to meet up for coffee later, our bodies were just too unwilling to cooperate, and so we went directly home.


I'd like to share what Jason said in his closing remarks, " Recently, I had work done on the home my family and I moved into. I thought the price I was paying the workers at my house was too much; but after doing hard labor myself, setting tiles on the pavement under the heat of the sun, carrying cement blocks and working with concrete, I realized the pay should even be higher- for it is hard work. We learned something today about hard work, about the lives of the people in this community..and hopefully, we shall be back to do more."

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

Allow me to share with you this remarkable story told by Steve Jobs. I didn't know his real story, and although I am a fan(after I witnessed his creations- the Mac, the ipod and now the iphone), I became even more so after learning about his life. This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Happy Birthday, ET!



She is four inches taller than me, and on hindsight, the only reason I think that is, is because she kept sleeping during our childhood- I mean that's what I remember mostly about her. She would eat like a bird and would be asleep most of the time. While I played patintero and teks, was bitten by a dog, got accelerated and had a weird encounter with an old tree and an albularyo in elementary, she just played with Barbie and had a pretty uneventful childhood. While I learned the household chores and learned how to manage my time, she was probably watching Sesame Street (where we learned our english). I'm intense, she's relaxed. That's why when we play badminton, she keeps laughing while I shake my head for my errors (hah!). In the end, I just learned how to keep calm and stay relaxed by being with her.

One day she digs up this old photo and I almost kill her for it. What an ugly face, oh, but look at that smile- so earnest and totally unaware of vanity. This was taken when I was still taller than her, and by fourth grade she was already taller, and I knew I was going to be the shorter ate. She bluetooths this to my phone while giggling, mostly because she looked normal while I looked err..funny. I realize that though I had teeth then braces after this photo was taken, I still have the same smile. (The smile that can eat your heart out, yes!).

To be an ate, to have siblings, is like being a mother. You worry about their future, and every happy moment they have you feel is yours,too. And her kids, I feel like they're my extension and lugi negosyo when you have a nephew and a niece. And so eventhough we're sad that you will leave us (on my birthday pa), we're happy you will be together again as one family with Ronald in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Really, choose another continent because I have no plans of visiting the middle east, and Ysabel should get a college education (there's basically none for women there).

Still I keep wondering how we even became sisters when we look and are so different from one another. But you know what, we both have a good heart. Naks. Uy, yung gold bracelet ko from saudi. Harharhar.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Time's Up!

How do I love thee? Let me count the many ways:

1. I love the way you let me do your hair




2. I love the many ways you ruin my house and take over my TV when you're at my place






3. I love the many times we ate out and I always end up paying



4. I love your cute little smiles and the way we sang in the car (Loudly), counted the trees and shouted when we're going down roads








5. I love our badminton games especially because you make me laugh



Thank you for the five months you've spent cheering me up. With God's grace, I am now a bit happier. I hope to see you in Brazil, not in Saudi ha.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Person of the Month

You know, driving can be tiring. It's very relaxing but at the end of a long drive, when both your physical body and mind ache for rest, you will feel the stress up to the next day when your cells are still shaky,and you're not your usual happy,sunshiny, energizy self.

But today I drove to see an old friend to Mexico, Pampanga. That's over 50 kms I think,but I have not seen Lambert since college graduation, and that's more than a thousand miles of separation and over 12 years. He now resides in London, with a wife and a baby whom he named after him (same birthday, he told me), and he holds this get together for a baptism and a house blessing. He has a farm in Pampanga with mango trees, a pool, rows and rows of rooster and fighting cocks. He got married just a few days ago, too.

He is my person of the month because he is such a risk taker. He formed his own construction company after college with 2 other classmates, it went bankrupt, and disrupted their friendships. He took off with only $600 dollars and went to London with a student visa while working as a Mcdonald's crew. He didn't finish school there but got a permanent resident visa, and is now an area manager for the food chain.

That's nothing compared to a batchmate who's now an international Shell guy travelling to and from europe, to Bossing who's a real estate tycoon in the making, or to Eric Monzon (my crush hehe) who is a bigtime sales guy for Phillips Shanghai. But I admire him for struggling to clean up the bankruptcy he left, working his ass off, not knowing anybody in London but making his own mark. It's been 6 years, and his life has turned around.

Sometimes it takes people a lifetime to turn from loss to success; other people do not have it in their guts to turn the tide, and what's sad is that some even off themselves, lacking courage to go on in spite the loss. Some people say, "Bring it on!" Lambert's like that.

That to me is success- to find the courage and strength to turn your life around, to face life head on, and to do things when you're ready. It's not about the material security, it's knowing you will live on, mamamayagpag ka, in spite and despite of everything.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Photo Blog

On certain days I feel like this.








***
Today I feel like this.










Tomorrow should even be better.


***

Location: Canyon Woods, Tagaytay
Photos courtesy of Jon Lorenzo

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Secrets

"Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually seeks to cultivate it, even at the risk of separation or loss. The ultimate goal of life remains the spiritual growth of the individual, the solitary journey to peaks that can be climbed only alone." Scott Peck M.D., The Road Less Travelled

I don't know if he reads this. I have friends from around the world who read this, and I'm sorry if I keep writing about feelings and love and stuff that are emotional. I'm going through something that is both heart-wrenching and at the same time, a change that I welcome for it leads me to growth. To overcome this; when the time comes that the storm has passed; I will be stronger, and so I take it all in. It is hard when during critical moments I realize I still love him, but there isn't anything I can do. I seek solace from the Lord, asking Him to embrace me. "Help me, help me, Lord."

Yesterday, the inevitable came, when Jos, a lost soul, who gets desperately low on self-esteem and tries to destroy himself,paid for his actions. Eden was crying to me because she does not know what to do,"I tried to help him, motivate him, amuse him, be there every step of the way for him, but he won't help himself. I don't know what to do anymore." I tell my sister, this gentle person whom I dearly love, not to worry, that we should think about the solution today, and help Jos. I remind her to take care of mama while I'm away on business, and to buzz me for any help, any news. I make plans to plan Jos's life- send him to the province for him to lead a simple,quiet life because he could not deal with the real world, of a life of struggle and constant rebuilding of a will to get up and try again each day. I try to be strong for everyone else, and just as I started to remember Louie was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on and rest awhile, I let the tears roll on their own, telling myself cry if you must, but this is the reality of now.

Eloisa told me he cried when she saw him in Singapore. How did I feel, and why was I crying as I heard news about him? It was because I loved him still, and I felt sad that he was not happy with his decision. He should be relieved, feel lighter that he did not have to worry about my needs, to answer my calls or respond to my questions about our life together. It has been months since he decided to end it, but he still has to find his way, and like me, learn to climb our peaks to achieve spiritual growth. If it was guilt he felt for hurting me, the damage was done and I am today, no longer the same person, as he is. I do not hope for anything for us. Wherever the journey takes us, whatever path we take, he remains in my prayers.

Some secrets are best kept in our hearts. I tell myself this while I lead our division in our 3-year planning session, and while I help Christine figure out her honeymoon plans with Nino this October. I hurt, I feel, but I am truly happy for people who find genuine love. Best to face the world bravely, reminding ourselves that this too, shall pass.