Close Encounter

My appointment with the famed geomancer is at 2:30 PM. I waited for an hour after a Chinese couple sporting a BMW consulted about their business and properties. I was there curious, not knowing what to expect or to ask. I did have a few questions, but I was not expecting my fortune to be told or my past to haunt me.

Located in Brgy.Pio del Pilar in Makati, there are no tell-tale signs of geomancy as I rang the doorbell outside his house. If a Mini-Cooper and a Volvo outside the door are the fruits of being a master of Chinese esoteric sciences studies, it sounds like a rewarding practice. The wife greets me as I walk in on my friends (we scheduled a 30-minute session each with the professor). I looked around the first floor of the house which was converted into an office. Awards and business registrations are on the walls, and shelves of books line the other half of the room. Bulol artworks stand beside Chinese pieces, as books on dogs are in the same shelf as Chinese reference materials. The numerous articles and photos regarding the professor’s works are showcased on the shelves as well. The room is airy, full of light and clean, in spite of the 2 dogs (a Chihuahua and a shihtzu) running around the room.

The professor started with a lecture on what Feng Shui is. How we, humans, are like cars on the road of life. Some are brand new, some are second hand, but how it performs depends on how we take care of “it”. The car is only good if parts are complete, and if not properly maintained, it will not last. Some are born rich (i.e. brand new), some are so-so. The time, date and place of birth differentiates one person from the other. With such information, one’s destiny is read, and guidelines are given. Hmn. Can’t say I believe all this, but here is what the professor had to say about me.
He starts reading my numbers with his eyeglasses, brings out his magnifying lens and proceeds to discuss what the charts say.

Year: Wooden Tiger (wood) Day: Earth House (Fire) Month: Metal Goat (earth) Time: Metal monkey (metal)

All in all, 2 wood elements, 1 fire, 2 earth, 3 metals. No water element.

“You are very intelligent. Not just intelligent, but very intelligent. You are frank, may sumpong, kasi wala water eh. Hot- gusto mo tapos agad maski ano bagay gawa, impatient, and you are trustworthy. Pwede paka-tiwala.. You like to read, maaral ka, creative. With lucky “survivor” star! Kung ikaw sundalo, di ka mapapatay sa laban. Sa eroplano, barko, wala problema. Pero may kapalit yon. Ang kahoy pano mabubuhay kung wala tubig? Natutuyo. No roots, no foundation. Pwede magsuffer lovelife. Dali hiwalay sa asawa kundi ka ingat o alaga. Ang nunal sa ilalim ng mata mo, sign na pwede mauna magreport agad asawa mo (turo sa taas). Asawa mo dapat may water sign para hindi ganun mangyari.. ”

” Ang birthday po ng boyfriend ko--“ (Actually my questions are centered on whether toot toot and I are compatible, I’ve read about wooden tigers and these are typical descriptions of us. I was surprised about the widow thing because of the mole, well, not really. Old people say don’t let tears run on this side of the face or I’ll lose a husband. Then my train of thought led to Dr. Melvin, my derma, who has been bugging me about removing this mole. I wonder, would the charts be different if I showed up with no mole and a microdermabrassioned face?)

“Teka, ” he interjects like I’m ruining his concentration. “PRAYER WILL ENHANCE MORE POWER. You pray every morning…“ I watch him as he writes the word PRAYER in another sheet, cuts it, puts paste at the back of the sheet and pastes this tiny piece of paper on my information sheet, where he has been writing. Apparently, he misspelled it the first time. The professor is very OC on this, as he also underlines and highlights words for emphasis, using blue for normal writing and red to mark a point.

“O, your kidneys and ovaries are weak. Water therapy is needed. You drink three glasses of water every morning pagkagising. You do this para yung energy na nawala sa pagtulog, inum tubig, bago na naman. Hindi pwede after toothbrush, wala na effect yon,” and he proceeds to show me how big a gulp I should take with a glass of water beside him. “ Your father, parati hindi ninyo kasama ano? Parati umaalis?”You were born past three, that means you have 1 or 2 brothers, tama? “ That I did not expect. He was right. On both counts.

“ O, you are wearing white, your lucky color is red or bright. Mga red o pink, ganun.
Pwede ka suot Hawaiian prints gaya Mayor Atienza. Wag suot solid white o blue o black. Pwede combine white-blue, ganon..” (Nooooo-I don’t like prints. I love my blacks, whites, and plains. ) “You are wearing a ruby ring, that is good, that is your lucky stone. If you will buy a car, you choose plate with numbers 1,2,3,4, 9 or 0. “

He then asks for toot toot’s birthdate, time and proceeds to count- earth, metal, 3 water elements. He seemed relieved that he had an abundance of water elements. He writes , “ Lack of patience. Be careful in selecting friends.” He looks up from his magnifying lens and tells me,” Wala problema. Ma-kaka-tuluyan kayo. This year o next year pakasal na kayo. Eto, magagandang dates. June next year! Gusto mo ba Saturday o Sunday?.. “ He then takes a yellow pad from his mount of papers beside the desk. The pad is lined, with columns of numbers, again in red and blue ink. With his magnifying lens, he leafs through the pages, muttering to himself, “Yes…no, di pwede.” He turns from one page to the other, going back and forth before telling me the dates he thinks I should get married.

“ May 13 or 28, but do not enter the church between 3-5PM. June 18 ok din..June 25 all day except 5-7 AM..ok lang wala kasal ganun oras…December 3 (except 3-5PM), Dec 23 (except 7-9)..” (How can I think of dates? Am I kidding myself? I don’t even know where I’ll spend my next Friday night.)

“Your destiny-- ”

Natigagal ako sa salitang yon. Hindi masyado ginagamit ang salitang iyon, ang destiny. Ano kaya ang sasabihin nya?

Well, that my friend, is something I’d like to keep for myself. Suffice to say that the good professor need not look on his magnifying lens to tell me that I will be fine, wala problema.

Mga Babae sa Lansangan (at iba pang kwento sa pagmamaneho)

Noong unang dumating ang sasakyan ko, hindi pa ako marunong magmaneho. Hinatid ng Honda Cars Alabang ang Honda City ko sa Ortigas na may odometer reading ng 000075. Ang unang nakamaneho ng kotse ko ay si Eric. Pagkahatid ng Honda, diniretso namin ng Libis kasama si Czar. Nag-Jollibee drive-thru ata kami at bumalik din kaagad sa office.

Kinagabihan, dahil hindi pa ako marunong magmaneho, si Louie ang pinagdrive ko ng kotse. Nagsimula ako mag-aral magmaneho noong linggo ding iyon. Nagbayad ako ng kulang-kulang sampung libo.

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Naiyak ako noong una kong nagasgasan ang sasakyan. Nagpa-parallel park ako noon sa masikip na kalye ng Sampaloc. Mabigat ang paa sa clutch at gas, amoy-usok at gasolina na sa kalye, hindi ko pa rin naipaparada nang maayos, hanggang tumama na ang kotse sa gilid ng lansangan . Maraming beses pa iyong nagasgasan dahil may nagsabi sa akin, ”Huwag mo munang ipagawa hanggat hindi ka natututong magmaneho.”
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Isang araw habang hindi na namamawis ang kamay ko at ang tuhod ko’y kaunti na lang ang panlalambot at wala na rin akong driver/instructor kasabay papasok sa opisina, naglakas ako ng loob na iparada ang sasakyan sa 45-degree inclined parking lot ng aming gusali. Naibaba ko nang maayos. Ang problema, nang ipinarada ko katabi ang bagung-bagong HRV ng expat kong boss, tinamaan ang pintura. Mag ga-pisong parte ng sasakyan nya ang walang shit-orange na pintura.
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Isang gabing medyo maulan, papaliko ako ng Greenhills, papuntang Wilson nang may pumina sa akin na isang Isuzu Elf truck. Nakita kong masyado syang malapit habang hinihintay naming mag-green ang traffic lights. Nung mag-go na, may naring akong crack na tunog. Ngunit dahil medyo traffic sa lugar na iyon, normal lang akong nagmamaneho hanggang sinabi ng isip ko,” Nabanggga ka!”. Pareho naming binabaybay ang Cardinal Santos Hospital, sinabayan ko ang bilis ng takbo ng Isuzu, binuksan ang bintana at sabay sigaw,” Nabangga mo ba ako?” Sumagot naman ang drayber kasama ang pahinante nya ng ,” Hinde”. Pag-uwi ko, may malaking crack ang front headlights.
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Rush hour. Traffic na naman. Galing akong Honda, o kung saan man mula sa Ortigas at binabaybay ko ang Shaw Blvd. Sa harap ng Lourdes Hospital may isang truck na may kargang mga steel at nagmamaniobra. May isang lalakeng sumesenyas na huwag tumuloy upang makadaan sila. Dumire-diretso ako habang kausap ko ang katabi ko sa sasakyan. Hindi ko namalayan na hindi pala ako dapat dumiretso, naisip ko na lang yun nang makarinig ako ng mura paglampas ko. Mayamaya, naramdaman ko na lang na mayroong humahagibis na sasakyan at ilang saglit pa’y katabi ko na. Nang masipatan ako, ang sabi ng pahinante sa driver, ” Pare, babae pala.” At hinayaan na nila akong mauna. Nagkunwari akong walang narinig...
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Text: Armi, alam mo ba ang route from Makati-Mandaluyong bridge papuntang Shaw?
Armi: Oo
Text: Marami bang hanging na daan doon?
Armi: Hmn...meron pero hindi naman ganoon kadami..
Text: Ahhh..di bale na, maaga naman ako aalis para wala pang masyadong sasakyan...
Armi: Hehehe
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Company driver to Armi: O, anong gagawin mo kapag naflat- tire ka?
Armi: Ahm, papalitan ko ng spare tire?
Company driver: Marunong ka bang magpalit?
Armi: Hinde nga eh..(sabay ngiti)
Company driver: Ano ang dapat mong gawin kung hindi ka marunong magpalit ng flat tire pero naflat-an ka?
Armi: Tawagan si Manuel?
Company driver: Tumawag ka ng taxi. Yung taxi driver ang magpapalit ng spare tire mo. Bayaran mo na lang ng mga 150, ayos na yon.
Armi: Oo nga no? Ang galing mo.
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Monday:
A: Asan ang kotse mo ngayon?
I: Ay coding ako eh. Nagpahatid ako kay Arnel.
Tuesday:
A: Coding ako, pano tayo magkikita? Pwede mo ba ako sunduin?
I: Hindi ko dala kotse ko eh, hiniram ng kapatid ko.
Wednesday:
A: Uy, asan kotse mo ngayon? Pasakayin mo naman ako, hindi pa ko nakakasakay na ikaw nagda-drive?
I: Nakay Arnel ang kotse ko e. Kasi coding sya ngayon. Hinatid nya ako tapos bukas susunduin nya naman ako.
Thursday:
A: Asan ba ang kotse mo?
I: Nasa baba nasa parking, susunduin ako ni Ate Monique ngayon eh.
Friday (at 2 years after na tinigilan na naming magtanong):
I: What do you think Armi, ibenta ko na lang kaya ang sasakyan ko no?
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Si April ay girlfriend ni Chichi. Si Cha ay girlfriend ni Buboy. Magkapatid si Buboy at Chichi. Isang hapon habang pareho silang nasa mansion nila Buboy sa King’s point at ang magkapatid ay nagba-basketball, nagpaturo si April magdrive kay Cha. Ayun, at ang dalawa ay nasa malawak na kalye nagpa-praktis magmaneho nang biglang may narinig na malakas na sigaw. Bumangga sa poste ang sasakyan.
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Si Dinah ay Toyota Revo ang minamaneho. Dahil marami kami, napagkasunduan na sa kanya sasakay papunta sa Cafe Ysabel. Si Dinah ay division manager na, at ilang taon na ring nagmamaneho pero parang kinakabahan. Kasama kasi namin si Sam, at umupo ito sa harap. Nakapwesto na kami, pero meron pang mga hindi nakasakay at iniurong nya ang Revo upang ang iba ay makasakay sa likuran. Nakataas ang pinto sa likod at pasakay na si Cathe pero pinaaandar na ni Dinah ang Revo. Sabay-sabay kaming nagsigawan, at nagtawanan. Sabi ni Sam,” It’s just me.Don’t be nervous!” Pero parang kabayo na umaangal ang andar ng sasakyan (nasa parking lot pa lang kami). Buti na lang si Cathe na ang nag-volunteer magmaneho, parang taxi driver kung magmaneho ang babaeng ito eh. Nagtatawag pa nga ng pasahero sa Edsa, animoy collorum ang sasakyan. Hindi naman nagtataka ang ibang mga pasahero na babae ang nagtatawag. May mga sasakay nga pagsabi nyang,” Cubao! Cubao! Anim pa ang kasya”
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Si Jane ay 4’11” na Pilipina na nag-asawa ng 6’5” na Amerikano. Noong tinuturuan sya ng asawa nyang mag-drive sa kalye sa Amerika, may mga kalye doon na walang traffic lights pero may STOP sign, kagaya sa Subic. Dahil wala namang ganoong mga sign sa Manila o sa San Pedro, Laguna, tinanong ni Jane ang asawa, ” Honey, what does that sign mean?” Inexplain ni Jim na kailangang huminto for road safety, kahit na walang pulis o traffic lights sa paligid. Follow up question ni Jane, “ Hmn..is that optional?” Parang Starbucks, pwedeng with hazelnut ang café mocha. Hahaha.
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