Ooops.. I Did it Again

Feeling positively energized after an hour of badminton, I go back to where I'm not supposed to and saw his friends, our friends.








And then, tempted and curious, I asked a friend to see how he is. We looked him up in Friendster. He had an April 4 blogpost, and before I knew it, tears were pouring down my face and I couldn't stop. He has a song for me.

He writes that he couldn't sleep sometimes,and a certain song, this version of Simply Red and Carpenters over the original rendition of Leon Russell's A Song for You, makes him cry (Note: He is the macho type; never the type who cries; I saw it happen just one time, and not over a song):

He writes "...It reflects the unfortunate event that has befallen me of late. And though it is what others AND myself might call a cliche, it is my pained plea of forgiveness for what has transpired and i think i know what Leo russell was thinking about at that time.

I only wish the circumstances were different.

You know who you are.

I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs I've made some bad rhyme
I've acted out my love in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be
I've treated you unkindly but darlin' can't you see
There's no one more important to me
Darlin' can't you please see through me
Cause we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space and time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space and time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

I read the lyrics and it haunts me. There were I love yous, and a love in a place where there is no space and time? Is there hope? God knows I hope. But I later learn that this Leon Russell song is a slow,pained song to an estranged lover.

I realize it is not the wasted 8 years i really cry about, nor my youth, for I was nothing 8 years ago. We grew together, shared both joy and suffering, wandered in life in search of ourselves. I cry because I remember the love, this love that's still killing me. I do not understand, but I know enough that he chose not to be with me. And that is more than enough reason to remind myself each day, as I heal, to love myself more, and to put all my hope in the Lord.

Pray for me as I start my Pathways to the Lord sessions on Monday at La Salle Greenhills, because I think my God is a punishing God, and right now I'm not talking to Him.