She was wearing an engagement ring, and she had a beautiful face, the kind of face guys in college would easily say as their crush, but it was not her countenance I noticed but her light. She certainly looked happy, and more than anything, was at peace with her God. So I was surprised when she cried after I related my story. I thought I'd be the one to at least get teary-eyed, but I guess it all got washed away in yesterday's meltdown. I gave my sharing on Does God Care? Have I ever felt God's love? Do I feel this, at a time like this?
"How can one not feel God, in the beauty of His creations- a flower in full bloom, the loving company of friends, the all-out support of my family? How can I not feel God, when I've been blessed by so many things, experiences, people who touched my life and opportunities that not everyone gets? How can I not feel the Lord's presence at times like these when I have nothing to hold onto but Him?"
I answered truthfully, and hesitated to continue..."Yet there are days when I push Him away because how could He know what's in my heart and take it away from me? How could He give so much pain?Is He a punishing God-cold and distant?"
But yesterday (after attending the first Pathways session), I fell asleep with His answer:
"If you've been hurt,come into My arms now. These arms will never harm you. These arms will never hurt you. These arms are here to protect you. These arms are strong to guard, yet gentle to soothe and heal. These arms will keep on loving you no matter what. I'm sorry you've been treated badly, and I want to heal your hurts. I want to give you the loving care you desire and deserve.
My love is always there for you. As you come to Me and let Me be your true Love, I will take care of you. You will never be disappointed in Me. I will provide the comfort you need as you draw closer through prayer, reading My Word, and listening to My whispers of love and reassurance in your heart. Come and find peace and your heart's desires in Me. I love you, My sweet one, and never want to see you hurt. Earthly loves may fail you but My love never fails. Come into My arms now. There you will find the love and understanding you have longed for."
-From Jesus with love FOR TROUBLED TIMES
I cried to sleep feeling His embrace. How could I not feel God's love?
*******
She cried because as she was happy, her sister was in the same situation as me, and her sister would not talk to her because it was too painful to see someone else happily engaged while she tries to make sense of their break up. She, this engaged woman, felt her sister's pain, and at the same time the rejection because her ate would look away and remain distant while she's planning her December wedding. How she wished they can both be happy, and tells me she knows how hurt I must be.
I nodded and then looked at the girl beside me and I told her I ache for her. At 25, she is married, but her husband has someone else, blatantly telling her not to hurt this girlfriend whom he loves, but then he goes home to her, the wife, because she is "important" to him. I don't know how hard that must be. Not knowing where you stand--2 women in a man's life. Especially when sometimes I just worry about lines that would sooner or later be visible on my face. I wonder about being single why she wonders now why she is in the situation she's in, and what would come out of it.
I didn't ask if she still had sex with her husband (I assume yes), nor wondered when mine would resume (Joke! I did think about this, at another time and place). I just actually want to be more accepting of His grace- and that means standing still, less resistance. I want to be comforted and embraced.
I did. I saw Trishia again, after 2 years, and we hugged tightly. We will have coffee soon.
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