After more than 6 years in the Philippines, C.P. bid me adieux yesterday. As usual, our conversations start off with him asking me if I know of any news or rumors. In fact, he asked me if I knew anyone who was getting something from somebody. When I asked why, he got mad and asked me why ask why, when I knew it was wrong. He told me about this person but I couldn't say anything because I didn't have any idea nor heard any rumor.
He asked me how I was doing, and just like that, my eyes welled up in tears and he began looking for a tissue. I composed myself and told him, it is hard for me. He begins to tell me that the same thing happened to his sister, so his sister left for the States and that is where she met her husband. He tells me about his previous boss whose wife called him early in the week to ask him about her husband's affair here in Manila. He tells me how this affair led his boss to unprecedented embarrassment in his home country where most people learned about it from his previous lover who called the head office to tell her tale, out of revenge.
"So you see, i know it is hard, but even married couples have problems. My wife sometimes does not talk to me for 3 months and tells me to get lost. The other lesson is, you can overcome this, as my sister did, and a lot of other people."
" All the men I know have affairs. The only difference is, some of the wives know, some don't. You see, men think with their little heads. They are like kids. Men actually need mothers as wives, not the mistress. The mother/wife type would tell the guy to go to hell and then go on with their lives if their men can't commit or can't offer marriage. The mistress would always need pampering and need to be secure. Men don't always want that. "
When I pointed out that the reason these unfaithful men stay in their marriage is probably because they have the mistress, he said, "Exactly."
He then paused to think about his life, and wondered aloud," I should have a mistress. I should have another relationship. But the problem is my wife won't leave me...."
I knew there was some truth in his statement, but at the same time know him to be stronger than this, and has actually resisted temptations many times. He told me to let my man go, and if he comes back, then it is meant to be. On the other hand, I should be thankful he did this now, painfully,so I can still meet the right man for me.
" You know, you can be a mistress. "
There was dead air- I was feeling the tension, but there was actually, none. We both know each other so well.
" Either you change your self, or you change the men in your life."
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At 39, his life is so comfortable even he is half-hearted in returning to his home country. But he said that is why he needs to go back.
" I don't want to go back. I need to go back. When life becomes too comfortable, convenient, therein lies the trouble. You have to live your life by taking risks, by embracing change. If you stick in your current comfortable phase in your life, how will you grow? How will you continue to evolve into someone better, richer in experience, and how can you reach for what is the best for you? Remember that. If there is one lesson in life I want you to remember, it is this. Take risks in your life. Accept, welcome change. "
I tell him he is going to be a great father to his wife's first child, a child after 12 years! What a joy and victory. He expressed disappointment at not having a daughter and kidded that he'd have this with another woman.
Ahh. That's him all right. All talk and no action when it comes to women.
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