Armi, this is an excellent piece. Your errors are uniform — verb tenses and how you mix them up in a paragraph. Anyway, just read my footnotes. Those are my edits.
A wonderful piece! Did I teach you to write that? How did it help you?
Tweee
From: "Armi" <@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: my graduation piece
Hahaha. You just made me laugh- "same error to the bitter end." It's not your fault, I really am lousy at tenses and grammar, and that's not part of your class, I'm afraid. I'll take this now as part of the class learnings, I will be conscious.
I also finished your book last night, your writing makes my right brain swirl, with so much creativity, and so much fun. The sessions spent with you made me see a glimpse of that person- someone with just the right sweetness, bitchiness and taray. Ok, I'm a fan, I know, I know!
Seriously, yes, you taught me a lot of things. I had difficulty with the metaphors, but you write them like they are stored in every nook and cranny of your belly, not just your brain, and now I have a real appreciation of metaphors. They are great! You are so right about clustering, I think that really is the key. It really made tapping to my creative side possible. I reached out and there were some sparks, and I just made those sparks write themselves down on paper.
Thank you so much! Please keep writing!
Love,
Armi
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