But I'm All Grown Up Now

So i should have been an artist, journalist or actress. All but the latter i knew before i took up engineering because i had the arts inclination, exhibited passion and i certainly had the temperament. I get impatient when the picture is wholly formed in my mind and the others can't see it, and i have to explain. It's like trying to explain a joke, though whereas the act of explaining a joke makes it lose its humour, explaining an end result, what i want accomplished and how it should be done, often just irritates me. It took me years of experience to be better at this, but often I rely on forming a relationship of trust with the team first before they can understand me. My bark is worse than my bite, and now they love me, or at least, love me more than hate me. But imagine if i were an artist, and i'd have to explain why i painted the sun blue or why i chose genre or portrait,over abstract. I reckon i'd get "mad" during the whole process, but then again, i remember how it felt when i used to sketch and draw. When i was in accelerated class during elementary, i used to sketch and i did decent drawings, filling sketch pads of still life, birds and landscapes. I gave away these sketches to dear friends, and now i don't have a single copy. It made me feel relaxed, happy, challenged, but fulfilled after each work. Anyway, as Cielo so aptly captured it, BUT IM ALL GROWN UP NOW, and chose a different path. I could have been a journalist, but i knew I wasn't good enough, certainly not a Palanca awardee material. An actress, maybe I can act (yes, at shoots i do well in memorizing lines and display just the right emotion), but alas, i didnt have the illusion i was bound to be one, certainly not in my destiny. So, gasp, did that mean i chose engineering and chose a life of mediocrity? After all, if i wanted to become a real engineer, i would have chosen the more elite ECE rather than the more management-focused industrial engineering. In fact, the main reason i chose engineering is so i can easily get a job. I figured since i didn't have a famous surname, and my writing is at best sophomoric, what field would have an even playing field? The sciences and math courses would certainly be, as cerebral these courses are. I also felt I can always attempt to write.

Now I question this path: should we, in fact, choose our strengths in pursuing a lifetime career? It sounds simple enough. The better we are at something, the easier it would be to develop our skils, and the faster we gain competency. The more competent we are, the more confident we get, and the less it gets to feel like a job. The more we have fun, the more interest we show in furthering our skills, the less stress we get.

The other tenet is this: Did I dare to be? Did I take enough risk, pursuing my heart's desire?

What if both answers tell us we didn't dare enough?
I should be an artist.
But i'm all grown up now.
Doo shoo ka na? (what then?)

- i create art in my own way. By designing products out of our minds, developing the concept from birth to launch, from raw material to packaging to merchandising materials, the logo, the overall look, all that is art. It takes a vision, a picture in mind, a feel, a taste, a sensory experience to translate that to an actual product and let it fight it out in the market. My industry is the fiercest there is! The customers either buy the product or they don't.
-i get to write business writeups, correspondence, business plans, presentation materials,sales pitch, creative talks on ideation, product planning, researching using local and foreign market travel exposure, as well as sifting through pictures from current trends or marketing breakthroughs. As a distraction, I blog to refresh my right brain and release stress.
-i have my own way. I am told to think outside the box.
-i control my own pace.

eventhough, on hindisght i feel i should have pursued a career based on my strongest interests and should have given myself no limitation or restrictions,i do not regret the accidental path i had. Fate has, in fact, chosen me and has played the biggest role in my choices and where i am at today. I could have been a quality management auditor, an it person (i tried many times but doors would open and then a better one led me to marketing).
Now i'm thinking I would have liked being a web developer (understanding both the technical aspect and content /design management), as well as becoming my own boss, of an internet-based company, offering my own products online, or a service as a mystery shopper of lifestyle products and services. Yep, that would be my dream job, where i will be happily clicking away at my laptop, writing, processing orders out of my own home office, my creativity the only limit to infinite success.

In the meantime, what really frustrates me is when my creativity is curtailed, a superior at one time ordering me not to innovate, or some HR officer asking my opinion about wearing an office uniform (hello, i don't work for a bank wearing a really dull-colored skirt and matching blouse that i have to pay for with my own salary;we're also not a japanese company to be wearing shirt jacks).

I sent this questionnaire to my boss who sent me back his results: he's better off as a mechanic, a colleague can pass as a "subtle" politician, another colleague is better off as a doctor. We all agree the personalities match the results. So when i feel a need for drama, maybe i can use that line now,"but I'm an artist!"