Dreams For Our Future

L said he dreamt of our baby last night, jumping around in the ultrasound. It was not a fetus, but more similar to the blob we saw at the actual ultrasound on Week 7. Except this blob had the shape of a small baby that can bounce from one corner of the uterus to the next..like balls of blobs in a Pacman video game. I told him I dreamt of a baby too. My sister wanted to see "it"; I told her the baby was only pea-sized. Before I knew it, the baby was out of my womb and formed baby-like in slushee format. They were about an inch big each, lined up, all three of them, colored yellow against a blue baby jumpsuit, like perfectly formed ice candies, smiling with their eyes and fist closed. We were oggling at them and then in a few minutes they were starting to melt, like the sugary grains of Slurpee. I was giggling in my dreams.

At Week 10 I am now starting to watch what I eat because I gained 7 lbs from Week 4 to 10 when at this point I should only have gained 3-4 lbs. I could no longer fit into any of my slacks and I hate tight fitting clothes. I dislike the feeling of wearing leggings when I was not pregnant, and now I abhor it but they just snug right onto my tummy. L keeps calling our child, "Little Buddy" and seems sure he made a son. I am not quite sure how to feel about this as all I ask for most fervently is to have a normal, happy, healthy baby. He tells me he gets scared of the girly things we will do if I do get a girl, and you know how he feels about girl talks..he quietly slips away and drifts out of the conversation entirely. The thought made me laugh out loud, especially when he cringed at the made-up little princesses we saw at Boni High Street's Princess Studio, where boa feathers, tiara and pink makeup are what you see when little girls walk out of the salon.

Mostly, though, I am trying my best to enjoy this stage, although let me be frank and say it is hardly a savory thing. I have morning sickness almost every day since Week 7 hit me, which goes to say that nausea hits me morning, noon or night. It is strongest in the morning as I head straight to the bathroom when I wake up. In the afternoons, it seems I followed lunch with gulps of air because my tummy feels bloated and full of air. When I eat a cup of rice at lunch or dinner I almost always have to puke after so I try to eat less rice, and more fruits and vegetables. I keep a log of my weight gain, which started in July when I went back to exercising because I gained all the weight I lost before I got married, due to (duh) indulgent eating and my bad knee which prevented me from exercising. I also started cooking, and found to my delight I enjoyed it, more so because L enjoyed the dinner I'd cook (that's the kicker right there- we had heavy dinners. Our doctor said we were having twins when she looked at L's tummy and mine). By August I was already starting to lose weight when I went back to badminton and boxing, totalling at least 6 hours of exercise a week, and then wham, bam! We got pregnant!

We were delighted, of course, as were our parents who wished this for us, as they know we married late. My mother in law, as it turned out went to Our Lady of Manaoag on September 8 and made the wish! Of course, Mama Mary would not be able to resist such birthday requests.

These past few weeks I hate watching television and switched to soothing classical and chant music. L indulged me and finally bought us an ipod dock (hello Christmas wishlist 2007 pa) because nothing is worse than a woman belching it out in the washbasin, with tears in her eyes (from nausea) and saying "I can't stand the noise from TV!" Surprisingly, for someone who has difficulty sleeping, at this stage I sleep like a baby and am beat by 8 PM. When I rest in bed I usually read myself to sleep and it shocks me that I can sleep by 9:30 PM and sleep soundly throughout the night. Books tell me it is because my body is busy on an overdrive- after all, it is creating a baby inside, forming its organs, shaping its arms and feet, creating tissue, building muscles, bones, cartilage and teeth.

In the early mornings I find myself talking to my unborn child, uttering half a prayer half conversation. I told my child this morning:

My dear child,
you are most loved and wanted.
Even before we lay our eyes on you, we already love and care for you.
I promise to take care of you, and teach you the ways of the world.
But most of all, what your father and I hope for is for you to know about love,
respect, and about living the best life you can possibly have.
We thank the Lord for this gift of life.
He has entrusted us this gift, deeming us worthy to take care of your body and soul.
We are grateful for this opportunity to show to you how beautiful life can be.
We have been blessed not by riches, but by simply counting our blessings, grateful each day, loving each day. We look forward to the wonderful future when we can hold you, see you, hug you , smell you, play with you, hear you laugh and tell stories. Already you bring so much joy, by allowing us to look ahead with so much hope and dreams for our future.