Disconnected

Today I felt guilty about being disconnected with the Philippine society. I RSS Howie Severino and Carlos Celdran's blogposts, also that of Manolo Quezon III, and these are my fill of the news. It is less interruptive, I get it on demand, whenever I want, because these posts talk about our republic state of chaos, politics, pollution and poverty. Carlos Celdran's tours, uplifting the image of Manila and educating local and foreign tourists, sometimes run commentaries that will momentarily jar me from my state of bliss; yesterday I read about his write-up on the suicide of the 11-year old girl because of her poverty, and Carlos is indignant- how dare the bishops blame the entire country for this when the problem of poverty for so many can be minimized with the use of birth control methods.

Today I read Howie Severino's post capturing the silent protest of some Filipinos in Baywalk, backtracked on the death of Rene Saguisag's wife due to reckless driving by trucks in Osmena Highway, and the pro-bono work of Howie's "mother earth's lawyer"-wife, Ipat Luna. She is a lawyer from UP, like my good friend DEP (who's celebrating her birthday today), but unlike many of us, Howie's wife chose to lead an earth-friendly, lake-conserving life, garnering many awards for her work in Taal Lake, and other similar conservation efforts.

I skimmed 3 blogposts: Silent Protest ("sawang-sawa na kami sa gulo sa Pilipinas", so protesters held hands, stretched like the columns of the bay, facing the sunset at Roxas Blvd, saying nothing), Ipat Luna's conservation efforts (preserving forests, lakes, parks), and Dulce Saguisag's death by a reckless truck driver. Howie ends his column about the senseless death of Dulce Saguisag with these lines: "A measure of a government's competence and legitimacy is its ability to protect its citizens. Rather than a Strong Republic, what we have is a failed state. "

How did this statement make me feel? Guilty, as I mentioned, because I am so disconnected with the news that didn't even hear about the bombing at the Sandiganbayan until yesterday (a full day after it happened). (I actually stopped watching the news a year ago). Then it made me think, why did I feel the guilt? This momentary guilt was instantly replaced by anger and indignation. And then I remembered why I chose a life of bliss instead of choosing to dwell on our sorry state of a nation:

1. I chose to stay in this country, even if I have the chance to work and live a better life in another country. It was a conscious decision; I am not proactively applying for a Canada immigration, or chasing an American dream. I chose to live in my home, my country. This is as Filipino as Filipino can get.

2. I am fully immersed in my work, which is also my mission in life: to improve the skills of my people, and increase sales to help our company have more stores, provide more jobs, creating a robust retail industry and contributing to a healthy economy.

3. I am aware that this nation needs discipline; our people can't even drive properly, and they are out there on the streets, with license paid for with cheated exams, driving recklessly, paying corrupt policemen, paying corrupt government agencies or municipalities who ask for money to approve permits and pass regulations; we have fake diplomas, our tourist guides in Pagsanjan Falls regale tourists with their "hindi pa nga ako kumakain, mahirap magsagwan" tales, soliciting more money because of a fixed DOT rate, turning an otherwise uneventful ride of the rapids into a woeful experience, our sidewalk vendors selling crabs pour water over them to make their product weigh more, and so on. I haven't even started about politics, the backstabbing, the funds from school children's chairs and school buildings which have already been spent with the kids crammed in gyms and under the trees. It is as old as a tale, as foul as the stench of the Pasig river. So where is the hope? Why am I here?

It is my home. This is where my family, my friends are. This is where I built and continue to rebuild my dreams. Life can be better. If we finish our schooling, get a job, work hard, excel at our job, we can still get the opportunities. If we think hard enough, and work hard enough, we can own a business, have a home. If we do not aim for material wealth that will buy us a house in Ayala Alabang, or a conglomerate, we can realize our simple dreams. Why am I here? Because I realize I have simple dreams, and my happiness is simple. But I still have goals, and this environment allows me to reach for my goals, challenging myself to aim better. Do I have money problems, sure, but do I believe I can work towards improving my current state? Oh yes. Definitely.

4. While I'm here I realize that in order to thrive, I need to lessen the noise, and focus my energies on doing something that will actually result to something, in order to motivate myself to do better, more.

Disconnected? Not entirely. I remember how I felt when Erap was pardoned swiftly, barely a month after his indictment. We cheered at his indictment;we were at the airport, and we were thinking- there is justice after all, there is hope for our country, after all. And then that chesire cat smile of GMA, granting Erap presidential pardon so quickly. I remember how I wanted a sticker of Erap's face stuck on my toilet bowl, so I can flush him every time I "dropped off some friends at the pool."